Marigold

by She/Her

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07:25
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05:42

about

Dedicated to every trans woman of color who came before me and will come after me. May we all find safety and happiness one day.

(content warning for: body image, transphobia, death)

Tapes available through Near Mint Records (nrmnt.co/SheHerCS)

credits

released August 1, 2017

Guitar, Bass, & Vocals written & recorded by Andrea Villanueva
Drums written & recorded by Roday Delas
Mixed & Mastered by Maya Chun
Additional instrumentation on "Chisel" & "Milwaukee North" by Maya Chun
Photography by Olli Guzman / Album art by Roday Delas
Recorded in May 2017 at Metal Frat

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license

all rights reserved

about

She/Her Chicago, Illinois

trans "punk" duo -
andrea (she/her) & roday (they/them)

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Contact She/Her

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Track Name: Chisel
Chisel at my shoulders
so I can have the slender form I've always wanted
Chisel at my waist
so I can feel the way I was always meant to feel

And the month that I spent shaving my legs every day
The razor burn hurt but I felt prettier than I ever had

Mold away at my cheek bones
so I can have the softest face you've ever seen
Mold away at my hips
so I can be the pretty girl I've always wanted to be

Chisel at my waist

I'll never have the body I want
I'll never have the body I've always wanted
I'll never fit the mold I've set for myself
It's too small, it's too white, it's too fucking dangerous for my health

So how do I change the mold?
How do I change the mold?
I wanna change the mold.
Track Name: Milwaukee North
The first time I wore a skirt in public
I took the train into Chicago
And I felt more uncomfortable than I had ever been

The drunk men slurring their slurs at me
And everyone else in the train car staring in my direction
All I could do was make myself as small as I could,
and pray that I didn't look as scared as I felt

Now I'm stronger
My heart's developed callouses
to handle the pressure of the city on my own
And I'm still scared
oh god I'm still scared
But I don't have to worry
if I look as beautiful as I feel.
Track Name: Whelm
You hurl your words from moving cars,
coward that you are
In your voice I still hear the malice that I know could bring my end
So I hide behind a pair of jeans and a bold-faced lie
that I am not the woman I have been my whole life

You have won today
You often do
You take so many forms in every city I go to

So I cower behind my car door, and I hold my knife so tight
It leaves a mark in my palm until you leave my sight

You have won today
you always do
tonight's another form that I will burn into
My mind with all the evil that you have shown yourself through
I'll remember it till the day that I die by your hand

Do I not deserve a peaceful existence?
My life can only end in triumph or tragedy
So if you choose to deny me my natural death
You will know my name before I go

And it will follow you for the rest of your days
like a weight upon your shoulder, it will slowly break your back
it will tear you to pieces.

I won't hide anymore

So do your worst
Do what you will
I won't go quietly

If you take my life in your infinite greed, you will drown on the blood that I leave on the street
And I promise that if you snuff out my flame, you will choke on the smoke that I leave in my wake.
Track Name: Wake
You call yourself a fake in the morning
because you don't have the energy to shave
And at night you call yourself a fake again
when you feel the name hanging 'round your neck
And again when you're naked in the mirror
because you don't have the energy to cry

And you ask
Who am I to say who I am?
Who am I to say who I am?
Who am I, who am I?

But you were always beautiful
If you look at the pictures of yourself from the past you'll see that the light in your eyes was there even when it was hidden
You were always beautiful
Even when the world tried to suppress the person you always should have known that you were

All those years of denial have torn you apart
They've left you battered, picked away at your heart
And now that you've found your way out
of this battle you've fought so long
All those people who called you a woman as a joke
tell you they know better, tell you you're wrong

You were always beautiful
If you look at the pictures of yourself from the past you'll see that the light in your eyes was there even when it was hidden
You were always beautiful
Even when the world tried to suppress the person you always should have known that you were
You were always beautiful
and I will never let them forget that
You were always beautiful
and your truth will always be true